Where Are They Now: Patrick "PoBoy"

For 2007, the Office of Affairs of Fishing (OAF), has begun a new occasional series on past participants in the fishing tournament titled Where Are They Now.

The Tournament Office has received many inquires on the current whereabouts of Patrick (aka PoBoy, P-dog, Patty Cakes, College Boy and somewhat disturbing, Assistant SSO). As you may recall young Patrick came to lab in 2004, all wide eyed and bushy tailed, ready to "make a difference." Seen here in the photo at right from May 2004, the lad had yet to start his obsessive-compulsive bicep enlarging techniques that turned his flab into "guns." It's interesting to note that this photo was run through a high tech pre-release digital enhancement projoulination software that was able to take 5,000 body language and eye position clues and determine to within 97.3277% accuracy who Patrick considers his role model. The results are displayed in the photo above with an orange dashed arrow. In hindsight, this conclusion is obvious based on the mirroring of clothes, relative position of the two, the use of similar hair product and the "hugging" position of Patrick's arms.

Currently in his 8th year, Patrick is still attending school, where he is "educating" himself more and more everyday. Life in an apartment was too much for the lad, so he's back in the dorm where he can entertain the freshman as the long of tooth sage with fasinating tales of what UIC was like when he started in the 1990's. Patrick won't be back this summer, as he claims has a job (with an official sounding title)doing building inspections in Chicago.

The OAF was a little skeptical of this claim, so the Tournament Office hired the private investigators from TV's "Cheaters" to follow Patrick over a number of days to verify his claim. Sadly, the results were not good. As the photo at left clearly shows, Patrick has taken a job as a balloon-twisting, stripped-pant/plaid vest wearing clown. While the grease paint may obscure the facial features, there is no denying that the "guns" on this clown are an exact match to Patrick's. It's obvious now what technique Patrick used to build up his previous pathetic looking flabby biceps.

Since the Tournament Office has a strict "No Clowns" policy, the Rules Subcommittee is investigating the possibility of expunging all of Patrick's Tournament statistics if this accusation is true.

The entire Tournament awaits your response Patrick

Shark Pro....err Carp Pro in Warmer Climes

At the request of the Hawaii Fishing Outreach program, Merle, a member of your three time defending tournament champion Carp Pro visited Hawaii. Merle, as you may recall, is the tournament record holder for the most fish caught in a single hour.

Merle's trip included a rigorous schedule of dining, cruising and other informing the local population on the proper techniques and skills required to crush the so called competition is fishing events. 'Mostly it's about not letting up, even for an instance. There is no point in giving them a reason to hope that they can defeat you " Merle was quoted as saying. He added "of course, it doesn't hurt when your team mate is a fantastic angler and outstanding architect"

The Tournament Office will continue to post feature stories about the off-season trips and events of the angler community. Stay tuned

2007 Information and Scheduling Input

The Tournament Season is fast approaching and it is once again time for the annual pairing up of teams. As in the past, each team will consist of two (2) members. There is a $10 per person entry fee. Returning teams have the option of keeping thier previous name or selecting a new name. If a team name from a previous season is not used, a newly formed team has the option of requesting that name. Please remember that all team names are the sole licensing property of the Tournament Office.

The February monthly meeting of the Competion Subcommittee focused on providing guidance on the establishment of this year's Tournament Schedule. In an continuing effort to involve you, the angling community, the Competition Subcomitttee is looking for your input on the this year's schedule. Please review the suggested dates below and provide feedback on those dates that will work best for you. A total of five (5) dates will selected for the onsite events. This year, the Tournament is sponsering two (2) non-points events on Lake Michigan, one in the Spring and one in the Fall. Please let the Tournament Office know if you are interested in attending these trips and select your preferences for these dates as well.

On Site Points Events:
The Tournament Season will run from May through August. Select your preferred fishing dates from the selections below:

Pick One: May 2007 - 11th or 18th
Pick Two: June 2007 - 1st, 15th or 29th
Pick Two: July 2007 - 13th, 20th or 27th
Pick One : August - 3rd, 10th or 17th


Off Site Non-Points Events:
Pick one date for the Spring and one date for the September Lake Michigan Charter

Spring 2007: April 27th with May 4th as backup
May 4th with May 11th as backup
May 11th with May 18th as backup

September 2007: 7th with backup date as 14th
14th with backup date as 21st


Please respond to the Tournament Office with your team name and preferred dates by March 23rd.

World Traveling Hooker

The founding member of The Hookers, Tomski recently returned from an goodwill visit to China. Traveling at the request of the Tournament Office with an unlimited per diem, this beloved fishing amBASSador shared his experiences and fishing skills with his Chinese guests. As Chairman of the Overseas Subcommittee on Fishing Relations, Tomski is no stranger to foreign travel on behalf of the Tournament Office with previous trips to Spain, Germany and Canada. These trips allow Tomski to spread the word about the style and techniques of lunchtime fishing at a high energy physics laboratory.Seen in the photo above with the Great Wall in the background, Tomski's speaking tour included stops at bait shops in and around Beijing.When asked about the structure, Tomski replied "It's good, I'll give them that, but since it predated DOE 413.3, there some obvious improvements that could have been made." When questioned on the management approach to the Great Wall, the state sponsered translator stated that the construction was more of a "campaign" than a project and therefore didn't need to follow the same rules. The goodwill ambassador had his guests befuddled and amused when he mentioned that the entire length of the great wall was built without any significant cross bracing, a common design strategy utilized back home by conservative "designers".

Tom also had time to interact and spend "hands on" time with the local population, dining out often as well as other activities. In fact, by the end of the trip the locals referred to Tom as 薖 烟雾 (kē yān wù ) which crudely translates to "big hungry-looking smoke"

The Tournament Office congratulates Tomski on his successful trip.