Where Are They Now: Patrick "PoBoy"

For 2007, the Office of Affairs of Fishing (OAF), has begun a new occasional series on past participants in the fishing tournament titled Where Are They Now.

The Tournament Office has received many inquires on the current whereabouts of Patrick (aka PoBoy, P-dog, Patty Cakes, College Boy and somewhat disturbing, Assistant SSO). As you may recall young Patrick came to lab in 2004, all wide eyed and bushy tailed, ready to "make a difference." Seen here in the photo at right from May 2004, the lad had yet to start his obsessive-compulsive bicep enlarging techniques that turned his flab into "guns." It's interesting to note that this photo was run through a high tech pre-release digital enhancement projoulination software that was able to take 5,000 body language and eye position clues and determine to within 97.3277% accuracy who Patrick considers his role model. The results are displayed in the photo above with an orange dashed arrow. In hindsight, this conclusion is obvious based on the mirroring of clothes, relative position of the two, the use of similar hair product and the "hugging" position of Patrick's arms.

Currently in his 8th year, Patrick is still attending school, where he is "educating" himself more and more everyday. Life in an apartment was too much for the lad, so he's back in the dorm where he can entertain the freshman as the long of tooth sage with fasinating tales of what UIC was like when he started in the 1990's. Patrick won't be back this summer, as he claims has a job (with an official sounding title)doing building inspections in Chicago.

The OAF was a little skeptical of this claim, so the Tournament Office hired the private investigators from TV's "Cheaters" to follow Patrick over a number of days to verify his claim. Sadly, the results were not good. As the photo at left clearly shows, Patrick has taken a job as a balloon-twisting, stripped-pant/plaid vest wearing clown. While the grease paint may obscure the facial features, there is no denying that the "guns" on this clown are an exact match to Patrick's. It's obvious now what technique Patrick used to build up his previous pathetic looking flabby biceps.

Since the Tournament Office has a strict "No Clowns" policy, the Rules Subcommittee is investigating the possibility of expunging all of Patrick's Tournament statistics if this accusation is true.

The entire Tournament awaits your response Patrick